Jaded.

It all boils down to the bottom line. When I started down this career path, I wanted to help people and make a difference. Today I want to get into Masters of Psychology because it helps the bottom line, not because of any great desire to actually chase that path.

In an ideal world I'd be a counsellor and a writer. That's all I want to be. But this world isn't ideal. I need to pay the bills.

Yesterday I met a guy working behind the counter at the post office. He graduated from IT the same time I did. How the mighty have fallen.

It sucks to be compared to people who are either already rich, or getting there. Maybe I'm materialistic, but providing for myself and my family is important. I like the cool and interesting things. I like sharp clothes, cool gadgets and fast cars. I'm tired of looking at other people getting those things ahead of me.

I am jaded. I'm looking to survive. I might be turning twenty-six, but in terms of where I am in life, I'm still twenty-three. The best years of my life were conscripted. I never had years nineteen to twenty-two to better myself. In that, I'm way behind a lot of other people.

But damnit, I need to stand on my own and make my way. I want to be financially secure. I don't want to be beholden to my parents. And I don't give a rat's arse who I have to stab or step on to get there.