Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Avoidance.

I have a problem with my anger, I am short-tempered and I get aggressive easily when irked. To me, anger and aggression come hand-in-hand. I've tried to deal (unsuccessfully) with the anger.

I think the problem lies not so much with the anger itself, but with that feeling of being irked that preceeds the anger. In my mind, being irked is related to being threatened, which is itself related to being hurt, eiter by myself or by others.

My anger is primarily a response to being hurt. That response has been blown out of proportion. I don't like being hurt, and I go out of my way to avoid being hurt. I avoid it to the point where anger becomes a defensive response, hence I get angry easily where there's no point in being angry.

So I'm tackling the root problem - fear of being hurt - as opposed to the temper. Plus, growth often comes from pain and if I don't allow myself to experience it, I will not grow.

Firstly, I accept that I have a problem that needs to be fixed. Secondly, I accept that hurts will occur in my life. Hurt is unavoidable and is not to be feared. Thirdly, I make a conscious effort to not allow myself to be hurt by the tiniest things. Fourthly, I make a conscious effort to not get angry defensively.

I want to be the best that I can be.

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